A few weeks ago my Dad openely stated,
"Whit, I can see how being all alone would be tough on you guys. While Tom works and you and Rowyn are alone. I could see how that would be hard. I don't know how you did it."
I looked that man in the eye and responded with a,
"I have no doubt in my mind I was honestly going insane. Like off my rocker, crazy."
Both my parents giggled, but it's the truth.
As a wife and SAHM to night shift nurse this is how our life goes.
Tom wakes up at the butt crack of dawn whenever Rowyn is ready to run around for the day (It's not really that early, but for a man that works nights I'm sure it feels like hell.) He is as present as a man can be whose circadian rhythym probably hates him.
If Tom goes to work on a Sunday night, he will nap with us on Saturday afternoon and stay up ALL NIGHT Saturday night. He is amazing about helping around the house while we sleep but there's only so many quiet things one can do. He then sleeps all day on Sunday and generally wakes up around 4:30. Which is basically like waking up at 4:30AM to us day walkers. He plays with us until about 5:15 and then goes to shower and get ready for work,while I cook dinner.
Yeah we eat at before 6 PM because in order to feel like a normal family that sits down for dinner together that's our only option. After dinner he packs up his things and we tell him "Bye Bye, DaDa" which usually consists of Rowyn having a meltdown. She misses her Daddy.
Tom arrives at work by 6:30 PM and is generally there until 7:15 AM the next morning. He comes home, waits for us to wake up so he doesn't disturb us getting into bed (I know...he's a Saint.) and then proceeds to help me with breakfast and diaper changing until we are settled. With eyes barely open he goes to bed with Rowyn quickly at his heels to "tuck him in." by 9 AM. :)
The process starts all over at 4:30 that afternoon. So if Tom works 4 days a week, 12 hr shifts, he spends all of one day peparing for that night shift, and all of one day recovering. So he may work 3 or 4 nights, but about 6 of those days and nights is him sleeping and recovering. So generally, we have ONE FULL DAY a week where I have unlimited help. It's my "day off" where I can take a bath if I want, go to the potty ALONE, and we just do family things.
That, in a nut shell, is how our day to day lives go. It's not easy, but DAMN my man is amazing. I would make an AWFUL military spouse, because it's rough. Before we moved to my hometown those days I spent texting my best friends from afar, and carrying on conversations with a toddler. :) Some days I felt so secluded and out of touch with the real world I really thought I was going crazy.
When your spouse is in your bedroom which also consists of your dresser, closet, and bathroom...that means you can't keep barging in there all day long to get dressed and ready for the day. He would never get good sleep. So going most days not getting dressed until 4:30 was the norm. :) I was the crazy cat lady except for with my kid and dog. My poor neighbors would see us play in the yard and walk the neighborhood generally with Rowyn only in a diaper and me usually in my PJs.
They probably had CPS watching us. :)
The only reason I can say these things now is because now that we have moved and I have access to people that I can physically meet out and about, and family that is there at all times I feel so much BETTER! Yes, some days we still wear our PJs until 4:30 when he wakes up, but at least I'm a lot happier in those pjs. :) At least most days I have adult converstation for longer than an hour.
Since I gave up social networking for Lent, I've noticed that feeling creeping back up again here and there. That feeling of being all alone. It's amazing what my social networks have done for Mommy hood. If you don't have a group of women that you can openly talk about being a Mom without judjment, find one! Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, play group, meeting group, church....something! There are a million moms out there feeling the EXACT way you are right now.
I know parenthood isn't supposed to be easy. Lord knows we have had a tough time. Not because Rowyn is a tough kid. She's amazing. She's EASY! We have just had to learn how to recreate ourselves on a personal level and as a couple in this new light. It's been an eye opening experience. This is also why I tell most new Mom's I talk to, to give themselves a "break." Don't sweat the small stuff. Screw the dishes. Forget about the laundry. Get your bearings with this new life. Laugh about your mistakes. Cry if you need to, but don't dwell on them. Move on. Be happy that God granted you this new blessing. It's ok to feel certifiable...we all do, as long as you know that that crazy doesn't last
you learn to hide it better.
How about you?? Have you literally looked at yourself in the mirror and considered that you may be better suited in the looney bin?? What about the early days? Those first 3 months are the worst! No one tells you that....WHY?!?!?
I hope you guys had a great weekend! I was feeling a little Mommy overwhelmed so I had a chance to be just Whitney on Saturday. It was wonderful. I missed my Bubby, but her Daddy did a great job with her. Plus...if Mama aint happy, nobody is happy. :) It's THE TRUTH!
Lots of Love,